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Add me to the weekly newsletter. I don't have a degree in anthropology or dick tuggery, but I am an amateur in both. Then rub it aggressively on your crotch for a few minutes. Is the handjob your grandfather's handjob. Thanks for connecting. Probably, like, things. The existential sadness of anyone claiming that a disembodied rubber vag-sleeve is better than having sex with another person is something no Cracked columnist can dare take on without some serious alcohol to fuel the poetic ennui that will follow.

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It's got girth -- it's like you're trying to fuck a two-liter bottle of root beer that's really into it -- but you either have to hold it up or, as I said, find some way to balance it. When you're drunk at 2 a. Continue Reading Below. But the Fleshlight in hand makes it a bit more like mixing a never-ending martini that you can't drink -- and instead of an olive, you're garnishing it with man nectar that you need to hose out the end of a length of flopping, disembodied, pseudo-vaginal canal. Gritty Woman At which point, your only hope is to become turned on by tapeworms.

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Add me to the weekly newsletter. It's not work. it's personal grooming. Artificial intelligence has been the bogeyman of science fiction since before it even existed for real. I'm not saying you can't use turkey, or even tofurky, if you swing that way. You can read a damn book while this thing grinds your organ. I don't want to be the conductor on this train to penile trichinosis. I'm just sharing information. Please enter a Username.

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Description: So you start experimenting. You just have to be comfortable with a Donkey Kong-esque barrel on your junk. No this isn't a lubricant for sex. This is Masturbation Cream. So we can agree that masturbation probably first happened with a bare hand -- probably well before the s, if you can believe it. You can read a damn book while this thing grinds your organ. Letsgasm Be mindful of which pudding you eat, however. But with only a little effort, you're doing your taxes, you're eating pudding, you're braiding your hair, whatever.
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